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When toddlers and young preschoolers are at school, they engage independently in a wide variety of tasks, games, and activities. In our play-based program, we set up some provocations each day, inviting open-ended exploration. This means that we make items available and we arrange them purposely in a way that looks inviting to the children (based on what we know of the children in our group), but we don’t suggest how they engage with the items. We leave their play up to them and we observe them as they work, in order to understand more about them and their learning.
To be very clear: we rarely *play with* the children. We have work to do as adults and we respect the work that they need to do as children. We’re together all day and our ideas and observations frequently overlap and scaffold one another, but we don’t sit down together with toys very often.
Most often, we set up provocations and we never mention anything about them to the children. We simply wait for them to happen upon them. Most recently, we brought out some egg cartons and fruit containers. We had the idea that the children might like to use these items for sorting, as they had been very busy collecting rocks and lining them up or arranging them in different ways. We left these new items in the yard and waited to see what would happen.
Without instruction or direction from us, the toddlers spent over an hour on the first day collecting more rocks and placing them carefully into the cups of these containers. They collected HUGE rocks and tried fitting them into each cup before saying quietly, “Too big,” and set them aside. They filled some cups with multiple small rocks before going back and re-sorting them to ensure each rock had its own cup to nestle in. They found leaves and woodchips that they placed around each rock as a kind of packing material.
We were nearby, observing. From time to time a toddler would hold up a rock to show us and we would say, “Oh, you found another rock,” or, “I wonder what you’re planning to do with that one,” and they would smile and resume their work, reassured that we were close to them and interested in them.
Sometimes as adults who have read about children’s learning and development (because how can we escape doing so these days with social media and parenting blogs), we feel an urgency to fill children’s space with our language. Rich language. Sophisticated language. Words, words, words! We know this helps children to develop their optimal brains because dozens of articles have told us so. And yet, there is so much value in quietly stepping back and allowing your child to fill the space on their own. Let them work to fill their time with their own ideas -- you’ll frequently be dazzled by observing their thought processes.
We live crowded and noisy lives, with toys that beep and sing and light up to entertain children. Phones that buzz and ping to distract parents. TVs humming in the background. It’s difficult for the youngest children to drown out these distractions and it’s not long before they’re wired for the continual stimulation that leads to over-stimulation and an inability to sit quietly with their own thoughts.
Many children reach a stage where they insist upon entertainment and interaction whenever there is a pause in activity. “Look! Watch! Hey!” they repeat. What they’re saying is, “Be with me,” and, “I’m uncomfortable being alone!” It’s important that we fill children’s buckets with our love and attention -- paying attention to them carefully and without our eyes glancing away to something distracting. Pay meaningful attention to the moments that matter to them and little by little they will feel fulfilled and have less of a craving for continual reassurance that you’re there with them.
It’s also important to be honest with them. At school, we had a toddler who demanded, “Watch this. Watch me. Watch me do this,” over and over. We sat down near them and said, “What did you want to show me?” We watched. Then we said, “I see you doing that. You’ve done it many, many times. It must feel good to do that. I’m all done watching now and I’m going to go work over there,” before walking away. The child moved on independently to a task that was more engaging to them.
Some children are independent in their play and activity from day one. Others require much more interaction from peers and adults. It’s their personality and it can fluctuate day to day, depending on what’s happening in the world around them. We all recognize these differences in adults and we say, “They’re such an extrovert!” or, “She’s introverted.” Sometimes anxiety or other issues manifest as a desire for noise or distraction. Meditation can be a helpful tool, even for young children.
Some children have had less experience with engaging independently at home. Some quick tips to help in this process include:
Give your child some options for tasks to do close to you. For example, if you’re washing the dishes, give them a bowl of water, a sponge, and a towel.
Take away half or a third of the toys they rarely engage with (start with the ones that make noise, if you need a starting point) and arrange what’s left behind in a new way.
After your child has gone to bed, take five minutes to set up a “provocation” for the morning - park their cars in an empty box and leave a length of pipe or gutter nearby.
Wrap their baby doll in a blanket and leave a cup and spoon nearby.
Line up their animals in a row (the appeal of toys lined up in a row cannot be beat).
Sort a small pile of Legos by color or size and leave the rest in a bowl or basket.
Set out a handheld mirror and several hats and scarves.
Leave something unexpected in the middle of the room, like a big empty box or a bowl of flowers and leaves. Understand that the simplest things are the most engaging.
Then observe. Quietly :)
https://www.janetlansbury.com/2013/05/stop-entertaining-your-toddler-in-3-steps-2/